March 3, 2010

Yeah, so it ain’t gonna work with him.  Seems that all we do is fuss and fight, especially when we’re drinking.  He has absolutely no sense of financial responsibility either.  I mean, granted, I don’t have much, but I’m trying.  With him, he gets his check and it’s freakin party time til the money’s gone, leaving a week to get through with nothing for gas or food.  I am really trying hard to become more financially responsible, but he makes it almost impossible to do so when he looks at me, smiles and says, “Baby, let’s go find beer-thirty.”

So now what?  Move out? Make him move out?  Either way, he’s fucked since he has no car and no money.  Why do I care?  Because I love him….

Dammit!

March 2, 2010

Beginning of March.  A lot has been accomplished in such a short time.  Got a job bartending.  It was originally supposed to be an Asst. F&B manager, but the manager quite obviously lied to me when she said she wanted to bring me on to train as her second-in-command.  That kinda hurts, but perhaps it’s for the best.  My body just isn’t dealing with the physical demands of the job like I need it to.  The worst part of the whole thing is the way she treats me.  So rude and abrupt with me all the time, and I don’t understand what I’ve done to deserve it.  Yeah, I made mistakes, but that’s to be expected when you’re not even trained, just thrown out there to sink or swim.  Eh, it’s all good.

New job starting soon.  I’m pretty excited about getting the chance to finally use my IT skills.  The other part of it, the case manager part?  Well, we’ll see what happens with that.  Not too sure about that, but at least the boss is a friend and has already told me that they’ll keep moving me until we find the perfect spot for me.  Dunno that I want to manage a bunch of people, but who knows?  I may find that I just love it.  At least I won’t be getting thrown out to sink or swim.

So, I brought him back up here.  First month was pretty awesome.  Now, it seems that we’re back to where we were before.  Distant with me again, no sex unless I bitch about it.  Seriously thinking of picking up some nsa, but it’s not what I really want.  What I really want is for him to want me as much as I want him.  I really don’t think that will happen though.  And of course, who is now single?  The ex, and of course she’s doing all this crazy shit to get him to come back home.  Which I think he will.  I really think she will continue to make his life miserable until he says, “Fuck it,” and gets on a plane to go back to her.  I don’t think he’ll really want to, but I don’t think he’ll have much choice in the matter, unless he just completely cuts her out of his life, and he’s already told me that if he does, she’s bitch enough to cut off his contact with her daughters.  What a childish, selfish woman she is.  I have told him that I don’t know that I wish to continue to be part of this weird three-way drama, and I don’t.  So how much more am I going to take of it?  I guess that remains to be seen.  As much as I’d like to call it done right now, apparently my heart is saying other things.  So, I guess in the meantime, I’ll focus on this huge career change, and play the ‘wait-n-see’ game with him.  But not for too much longer, though ~