And it begins…

Ugh, first snow.  Not really, we snowed last Saturday, but this one feels more real somehow.  It is very pretty here in the new place watching the snow cover the ground, but I’m still not ready for it.  Went tanning today when I got up; need the happy light to keep my going this winter,  especially since I won’t be able to run away in February to a warm place for a week.  It’s going to be a long winter this year.

Been working on my business card for the cleaning thing.  I am ready to run with that.  Couple more weeks maybe.  The guy that’s going to take over my position is already saying that he’s ready to go.  He’s almost ready to go.  He still needs to learn some paperwork stuff, but beginning tonight I’m starting to back off and let him run with the crew.  I’ll stick around the Base in case he needs me, but my plan is to just be in more of a consultant-type position while he learns all about the ‘joys’ of running this crew.

On a very good note, daughter finally left the asshole she was with.  Of course, he showed his true colors by shutting off her refrigerator, stealing her social security card, and pissing on her bed, but at least she’s done with him.  Now comes the hard part for her; continuing on her journey to Independence without jumping to another man.  Social services/foster care does not create independent adults within their system; rather they teach their foster children that the best way to live is on the system, so daughter has much ‘training’ to overcome.  I am still very proud of her for taking the first step and getting him out the door.  I wish she were up here so I could help her and give her the support she needs right now, but on the other hand perhaps it’s better that she go through this on her own with me just being her miles-away encouragement.  I do know that it’s best I’m not back there; I would’ve had to go and kick his ass for treating my daughter the way he did.

Resigned

Well, I did it.  Turned in my resignation yesterday.  Kinda scary, but I’m ok with it.  It is simply too much to expect someone to work alone with a crew of mentally disabled people night after night by myself. I had no support, no help unless I copped an attitude and issued ultimatums with management.  After they terminated the crew leader over a month ago, there has been no sense of urgency on managements part to fill the position.  I guess they figured why fill it when my ass was in that drivers’ seat six nights a week, managing the night crew.  I now understand why there is such a turn-over with the position.  Managements whole attitude is one of, “Oh, it’s 5 o’clock, I must go home to my family and personal time.  Night crew?  Well, you can just handle it by yourself as best you can, and it had better be good, because I don’t want to hear of any problems when I get to work tomorrow…”

Yeah, ok, so we’re moving on from that.  I will take a week (more like two) to get re-adjusted to being a day person and get my house ready for winter, then I’m just gonna start my own cleaning business.  Already got two clients waiting for me to say I’ve started the business, so I don’t think that’ll be a problem.  I can always supplement income with a part-time position if needed, and my goal is to eventually do both house and computer cleaning.  Might as well use the schooling I got to the best of my ability to help folks with their computers.  First though, I’ll do the housecleaning stuff.  Holidays are coming up, and from my past experience a lot of people simply don’t want to deal with housecleaning.  That’s where I come in.  Pretty exciting stuff, plus I get to control how much I work, where I work, who I work with/for.  Bonuses for me all over the place.  This job made me realize that I really don’t want to work for someone else, lining their pockets.  I’d much rather line my own, thank you very much.

Sunday, September 21, 08

It’s cold today; clouds, wind, grey and dumpy-looking.  I’m really not ready for another winter here in the Frozen North, but ready or not, here it comes.  I am almost ready, though.  I just need to get fuel in the heating tank and cover the pipes and well so I’ve got water this winter.  This is when the whole living alone thing really gets to me; when there’s much to do and no one to help with it all.  With it being the first year in this place, there is a lot to do.  I am grateful, though.  Even though no one has ever taught me how to be financially responsible, I am slowly learning this most important lesson.  That whole running through the life insurance in less than a year thing really opened my eyes as to how important it is to be financially responsible.  Too bad I didn’t learn it sooner, before the money ran out, but oh well; lesson is learned now.

Got a lot of thoughts going through my head on the “what do I want to do next?” question.  The job is fine, but very physically demanding.  My body is in a total revolt over the whole thing, with the end result being that I have to start and finish every day with pain killers just to get through the day.  Not what I want to spend the rest of my life doing, taking Tylenol all day just to have mobility, but it pays the bills, so it suffices for now.  I’ve been toying with the idea of starting up my own cleaning business catering to the military in this town, but can’t seem to find the guts to jump off the cliff and go for it.  I’m pretty sure I could make a go of it and be successful, but what if I’m not?  Too many ‘what-ifs’ making me indecisive, which is so not me.  I don’t much care for that particular change brought on by the deaths of Dad and Jim, but as of yet haven’t figured out how to make that go away.

Part of me wishes that I had a special someone to talk all this over with, but on the other hand, I’m ok with being alone.  Jim so filled my life with love and happiness in the short time we were together that I really don’t think there’s anyone else out there for me.  Sometimes that bothers me, the thought that I may spend the rest of my life alone, but mostly I’m ok with it.  I do know that I don’t much care for living with other people, having to adjust my life to their wants and needs.  It’s great to come home from work at 4am and crank up the music or just sit in the silence.  Or if I want to sleep all day and get up at 6pm, there’s no one mad because I didn’t get up and clean the house or cook dinner for.  Is it lonely?  Eh, sometimes when I wake up I still roll over looking for him to cuddle with and then my reality slaps me in the face, but mostly I am content with my life.  I am, for the first time, totally and completely in charge of it and focused on that instead of just rolling along in some alcohol-induced “I don’t care” haze.  Feels pretty good, too.

Time

January to September is a lot of time.  Time for some major changes, as well as many smaller ones.  Since my last post I’ve quit the bus-driving job, had my daughter and grandson up to visit, got a new house and a new job (in the same week!), and become a gandmother again.  As I said, lots of changes.  A big thank you to my brother for gently bugging me about this blog and “…when would I start writing again?”

I think the move from the big house was perhaps the absolute best choice I made.  I thought for a long time that I would just stay in it and make a go of it, but once I saw the cabin, it was all over.  Love at first sight and all that.  What made life even more interesting was that once I’d decided to move into it, I also got a job offer the same week.  Talk about 0-60.  Suddenly I’m not only moving into a new place, but also starting a new job as a night-shift supervisor.  The job is great, I love it, but there’s a very high turnover rate.  Leading a crew of mentally disabled people has many challenges.

There will be more posting; writing for me has always been very cathartic.  For now, I need to take advantage of the daylight and get some winter-readying stuff done before work tonight.